p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
