I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My balls are so social today.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
