We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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