Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize