Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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