im holly from the hills drunk
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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