I can text with my tongue
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
