Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize