At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
