Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
