I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think we might need a safe word for this...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
