that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
