I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
