Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
