I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
