the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
