when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
