Can i not drive my cunt home
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
