You're completely useless in the revolution.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize