It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
