well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
