at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I would fuck him just for his dog
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
