Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
