Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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