How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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