so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
