sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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