Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
