We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
