I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
