Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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