Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
