I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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