He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
