I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
