tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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