The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
