He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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