The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
