so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
