So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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