I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize