I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
they're like a gay fantastic four
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
