i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I looked at my own cervix.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
