Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
