omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
