The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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