Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
