Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
