I'm really into asian looking animals
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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