I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize