So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
