you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
