Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
