Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
