I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
