Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
