If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
dude. I can hear the air.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
