PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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