Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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