I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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