And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
