billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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