Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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