More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
